On a Lighter Note

Smiling Pilot

Attribution(s): Unknown

A pilot on one of the major airlines would wait until the going got bumpy, then stroll through the cabin with a book under his arm.  The title which he kept prominently displaced was How to fly in 20 Lessons.

How Older Women Roll

Attribution(s): Unknown

I met an older woman at a club last night.
She was OK for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a song and she asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter 3 some?

I said no.
 
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:
 
"Mom you still awake?"

Flat Tire.

Attribution(s): Unknown

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the highway. 
So I ease my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully get out of the car and open the trunk. I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn't believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my life like men. And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a COP pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

"What's going on here?" he said. "My car has a flat tire", I said calmly. "Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?" the COP says with an angry tone. I just couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"